In Which Your Correspondent sees no sun at all, overnights at a french-speaking only hospital after food poisoning, and gets to know Amsterdam’s Schipol Airport too well.

KLM JFK to Amsterdam is 6 hours flying; 7:30 return. Airline check-in is particularly testy with regard to carryons and some of the 747’s have hardly any overhead space. Aboard, people put bags all over the cabins and lavatories and the crew ignored it. KLM crams people in coach; the guy in front of me with his recline was literally in my face. Food is medium; vege food was all spicy. This is a trend among several airlines lately. Schipol Airport (meaning ship’s hull) is pretty but too much walking and should not be used as designed; my advice here is helpful. Get a trolley quickly upon arrival.  If you must go upstairs to concourse D to transfer to flights, use the lift instead of the escalator and keep your trolley because there’s much walking ahead, even with the moving sidewalks. Allow 30 minutes to transfer between flights. Transfer desks are everywhere as long as you are flying KLM and the people are helpful. At least jetways are used. Airport should use buses between concourses but they want you in the shops and you have to go thru passport control if you are flying elsewhere in the EEC -- no more passports from one country to another which means no more running around Europe getting your passport stamped from country to country. There are several passport control stations; if you see a long line go and look for another station with a shorter line (ie: keep walking toward another area of the airport). This is also true on leaving the country as to exiting the check-in area and passport control again. Overseas flights create herds and you can avoid these by going elsewhere. Passport control people are unusually friendly here. Need coins to make even toll free calls from the public phones. Phone line quality for calling telecard switches in the USA is particularly good. Airport features hotel and casino without clearing customs and places to take showers. Duty free shopping offers values. Food is good and you’d never guess a good amount of it is catered by Marriott. Check-in at Schipol looks like a long line but moves fast. Can arrive 1 hour before flight both at Paris and Amsterdam airports. Even less.  After you clear customs is a big shopping mall with supermarket. Delayed 5 hours at Schipol transferring to flight to Paris due to runway accident at Charles De Gaulle airport; also French trains on strike so every seat sold out on airplanes. Tried to offer compensation to bump someone but airline says they don’t do that; but airline did offer bumps to people in Amsterdam on way to New York. Offered overnight hotel and $300 cash or $600 ticket on KLM. Netherlands have a 25 guilder note. Smarter than a 20 plus 5. Also only takes 4 to make 100.

Ivan’s Tried and Tested Way to Get Off Planes and Through Customs (in 5 Minutes or Less at JFK): Move to Aisle seat for landing (if there’s one open move further up front) and put your carryon under the seat in front of you. If it won’t fit, put your coat over your lap to cover it so it’s not seen. When plane is just about to reach the gate and beginning to brake, in one move get up and move quickly to the galley or the space next to the lavatories nearest the exit and stay there out of sight till the plane docks. After the plane stops, go to the exit. Make sure your landing card has been filled out. 

PARIS

I came for a day and a half to see some friends and take care of some business. All things considered, there’s no good reason to be in northern Europe during winter unless you have a good reason to be there. Arrived Wednesday afternoon in heavy fog. Transferred by bus to subway station for the train to center city but trains are on strike because they want more strike benefits. Now they tell me! If this happens, walk to the Hilton Hotel nearby and catch a taxi. Roads are jammed and taxi where I went (St. Cloud) was $60 and a good hour with traffic jams and one lane roads and a lost driver and of course I don’t speak French. Rest of the day to recuperate. Thursday a 3 hour walk through central paris to become reacquainted with the main streets (get a map when you start this), meander a bit and look for some things of interest; approx. walking times Opera to Louvre is :15; Louvre to Plaza Concorde :25. There are chairs overlooking the P. Concorde for you to sit and rest. Concorde to Arch Triumph is :20. Taxi from Arch to La Defense is :15 and about $10. If you like Dr. Scholl’s insoles, bring a pair since they only sell one-size fits all here. I’ve added this to the packing list. Paris features well dressed cops and all workers have nice uniforms -- even garbage collectors. Never saw sun once in 5 days -- it is dark, dreary with about 7 hours a day of sunlight, drizzly and cold. In case you want to know, the Lido Show is about $65 with 2 drinks, not that I saw it. At lunch, a bottle of Evian was 25 francs; a bottle of wine was 20. So there -- wine is cheaper than water here. This week is the release of the new Buejalais wine; pardon my spelling but the idea is that everyone is drinking this wine this week. I wind up at La Defense -- I love the architecture but my lunchmate Khaled says it is typically Mitterandish and useless. I tend to find the Froggies (nickname for Frenchies) nice if only the country would build wider roads and stop striking so much. After a violent reaction to a tasteful and expensive lunch of salmon, a napolean and water ($35), I later checked into the emergency room at a hospital near a friend’s house. He brought me in and translated but after taking some tests they decided to observe me overnight and hooked me to an IV. Long night. France’s social security system charges the hospital visit as a sort of all-inclusive spa resort so you pay by the day pretty much. The bill for the x-rays, overnight and several blood tests was $660 and the charge is the same for a frenchie. I’ve paid over $1,100 just to visit the emergency room in Miami Beach. They didn’t give me anything to sign or a bill; told me they’d send it out later to me or my friend who registered me. I was the American boy who was night activity for the hospital; I had 4 people watching me during treatments. Too bad I couldn’t understand them nor them me. Shaving, peeing, washing -- everything was a comedy. Next morning I wanted to leave cause I felt ok but they didn’t understand and wanted to keep running tests. I felt like a hostage -- finally i started carrying on and got a social worker who spoke english to convince them to let me sign a form saying i was ok to leave on my own. Few hours later i was nauseous again but the airport doctor let me on board and i flew onward to amsterdam; when i arrived i felt ok enough to stay and not go straight to new york. figured if i had to go to hospital again, at least they’d speak english. turns out there’s a good deal of 24 hour stomach flu going around paris this week. or else i had real bad food poisoning as i have never reacted that way that quickly to what i ate. KLM charged me $150 to change my ticket since i couldn’t show them a hospital bill. but i managed to get a stopover in amsterdam in the process which my $400 ticket didn’t allow. So i will probably get the $150 back later when i show them the bill and meanwhile I got a good excuse to get the stopover. Consolation prize. Hmmm.

AMSTERDAM

Flight to AMS from Paris is :45. Charles De Gaulle airport not nearly as much walking and both CDG and Schipol airports not much sitting on runways. If they let you leave the gate, you’re on your way.  Very Euro-business shuttle with every seat full. These airlines have a great monopoly going with few flights and full planes. Look for weekend excursion fares which are half the regular one-way fares (a regular trip can be $350 one way or $400 round trip just between Paris & Amsterdam). Taxi from Schipol to center city is 12 minutes or $25. There are trains to Central Station (nice architecture worth seeing) but I just took the taxi to save time since i was behind schedule. Dutch guilder is 2 to the dollar and so the math is easy. Almost everyone here speaks English and traveling here is easy. My friend’s apartment has only one sink and it is in the kitchen but he pays $400 for 70 meters or 700 sq. feet and this is rent controlled for life. If he gets married or makes more money, he’ll move to buy some other flat. After starting what I call the Ethiopian diet (peas and rice for dinner), we get on his bicycle and go along the streets and canals (over 100 of them in the city) with the pretty row houses to see a concert of the Moscow Synagogue Choir in a small room lit partly with candles with lots of Dutchies (many of whom not jewish) who warmly received them as part of a klezmer festival and of course hava nagila and other such songs were sung with gusto.  Interesting that the first impression of Netherlands is a Jewish concert in the 50th year of Israel in a land where 100,000 or 107,000 who were deported during World War II never came back alive.  Now 10,000 Jews live in the city. They feel ok but apart from the rest; some were saved by the dutch; others had their homes looted and the people denied them their things when they returned after the war. “No that’s not your silver wear/china/art all over our house. You must be mistaken.” Of some historical significance to me since the Ciment Family fled to Amsterdam and Turkey after the Spanish Inquisition (originally we are Spanish) and it is the Amsterdam wing of the family that still exists.  Well, at least the pain in my butt from the bicycle is making me forget the other pain in my stomach from Paris. Finally, some wonderful coffee and cake at the American Hotel (nothing to do with America) on a main square known as the Leidesplein and the prices are cheap -- half what you pay in New York and the cake is fresh meaning baked that day -- not delivered that week.  

Amsterdam can be done in a day if you move quickly -- best to visit during May when flowers and tulips are in bloom but alas i am there in late November with sunup after 8am and dark by 5. Visit to the Rijksmuseum -- national museum -- highlighting Dutch art and Dutch history. Dutch art looks different than other art and it tends to be realistic with not so much christian themes. Rembrandt’s Night Watch is famous and the Battle of Waterloo I liked a lot. Van Gogh is on display here temporarily since his museum is under renovation; i personally don’t think his stuff is that interesting. Rembrandt seems dark but I am told the Dutch are discovering his colors were more vivid when originally painted. Dutch history: The Dutch revolted against Spain in the 1500’s and grew to be a big trading country then stagnated in the 1700’s and were surpassed by rival countries who never looked back. This museum commands attention and i spent almost 3 hours there including lunch in their cafeteria. Considering the admission was $7.50, this is now less than many american museums are charging. Saw the Sefardi Synagogue built in the late 1600’s which is rather big, unusual and hardly used today; just across the street is the Jewish Museum which is inside several other synagogues joined together. Rembrandt House is temporarily closed and not worth seeing for now; next door is the Holland Experience which is a kitchy half hour film with special effects which could be skipped. Anne Frank House takes about 15 minutes and you just walk through. I didn’t see the Amsterdam Historical Museum and don’t know if I should have.  In total, Amsterdam reminds me of a big Greenwich Village -- lots of small shopping streets filled with a bunch of kitchy shops with nothing to buy unless you’re into buying chatchkes and other nonsense. The red light district, so much talked about, is about 2 little blocks long (passed it by in a taxi) and if you don’t look for all the vices you won’t find them. 

Recommended is to take a 75 minute or so canal boat tour to get a good feel for the city’s uniqueness. Venice also has canals but is grand; Amsterdam is smaller but quite charming. You’ll see old ships (ie: next to the maritime museum), some interesting architecture (ie: the new green building looking like a whale housing the science and technology musuem), and canal houses and the canals are explained. The tour i took was at a dock between the Marriot hotel and the Rijksmuseum and the tour cost $9.  Tours generally run every hour or so during the day.
 
Trams are hop-on hop-off and no one checks for tickets so you can ride free as a tourist if you dare not to get caught and pay a fine. Very wise to get a good street map upon arrival although I tend to find amsterdam confusing with all the canals and streets that meander along -- it’s no grid. Taxis inside the city are outrageously priced -- expect $10 cab rides that are 2 miles long. But I was walking around, got lost and who wants to waste time in the cold rain? Not always easy to get a cab by the way -- not a bad idea to have a museum call for one if you are not on a main street. Also it’s a good way to see some areas that may not be worth spending time walking around. No opinion on shopping -- no time, stomach or interest this trip.

A fine dinner at the Hotel Amstel-Intercontinental which is on the river and offers superior service. They suggest which teas and wines to have and give you home-made pretzels with your soda and biscuits with tea (not tea bags), the works.  Dinner for 2 (huge filet of sole), specialty appetizers (lox), chocolate truffle cake to die for, wine, tea and sodas came to under $100 in the lounge (not the gourmet restaurant). For the gourmet room, book in advance as weekends sell out since it’s the best in town.  Would be a bit more than that in New York. One must never eat even a piece of lox after cooked fish. Please remember this. It took me 4 hours to recover from this mistake. Another tip: cut the sole down the middle and then flip it over with your fork to filet the fish. My friend Guy was amazed at the politeness and deference of service at the hotel; he said the Dutch are usually poor at service. Late night classical music appreciation and discussion with Guy who likes this stuff and interesting to me who has not much background on listening to this.  Cable tv offers british, italian, turkey, spanish and all kinds of channels but no USA or CNN for now. 

The Dutch think the Americans are violent. Only Amsterdam is overly liberal. The Dutch language is rather gutteral and closer to German than English or French. I found the Dutch to be rather pleasant and cultured people who dress well, perhaps a bit Germanic but not nearly as tight-assed. They must be neat though -- i’m a notorious neatnik but Guy was constantly telling me to be neat and picking up and moving my stuff around. My roommates thought that was hilarious when i told them about this.  Food is good and things work rather well though Switzerland it is not; rather it is more like Belgium. Groceries here are cheaper than the USA. Dutch are athletic -- you would be too if you rode bicycles everywhere since cars inside Amsterdam are a royal pain. Here they don’t always lock up their bikes and if one gets stolen it can be replaced for $20 so they’re not worth stealing as long as you buy cheap bikes. Don’t expect student discounts here -- everyone is a student so there are no discounts. From Amsterdam it is a 2 1/2 hour drive to the border; 2 hour train to Brussels and then you can take the TGV speed train to Paris in another 2 hours. I’m told that thing really flies and you don’t even feel like you’re moving. Both French and Dutch are really apathetic toward Monicagate in the US -- they can’t believe the US is obsessed with Clinton’s sex life. One observation: Prices in Europe for things such as computers are coming down in line with what we in the US pay; Dell sells PC’s direct here now.

17 Things Europe has that Ivan Likes:  English language magazines and television not directed toward the lowest common denominator (ie: harvard review at magazine stands and BBC world service television news), pretty looking sandwiches; colorful looking money; books printed in funny sizes; cake served the day it is made (in France to be a baker of rolls you must be part of a union and it’s hard to get in); good conversations; flights that are like America was before deregulation; well dressed people who also have good taste (ie: Paris taxi driver was a woman wearing a black beret); more interesting colors and designs of clothing with higher quality fabrics and workmanship; trams with many doors that let you hop on and off around center city; exceptional service by knowledgeable people in the top hotels; audiences that don’t cough, stand up, talk and leave early in the middle of performances; supermarkets with a larger selection of desserts and sweet cheeses; trains that run smoothly and faster; better TV system with wider screen and sharper pictures, fewer commercials and more channels from more places; high quality wood in furniture and public places (ie: stairways and kitchen cabinetry) and more funky architecture as to public buildings and spaces.